infinitive steps back

He had a sick mind and yet it didn't stop me. He was weird and yet I was attracted to him. I got to see a hidden part of him and he became a drug to my soul. I fell for his sick mind, and then fell for his sick heart. Then discovered his sickness was contagious and that it was too late.

Have you ever heard about once in a lifetime? It's that time you went on a trip to somewhere far away from home. That time you turned around and looked at your mother in the crowd crying for something you made her proud of. That time your dad looks at you, smiles and shakes his head because you've done something you'll be thankful for. That time you first went out with the boy you had a crush on. That time you closed your eyes and said to yourself 'it's either now or never'. Once in a lifetime is every time you decide to do something out of your comfort zone but turns out it was everything you have ever wished for.

in the lowest moments in life, any soul will ask 'what if i die?'  what if the world wouldn't have to encounter with my lack of happiness? what if i'm one less trouble to people? i have cried so many times in bathrooms, and yet once i decide to go out, i made sure that not even one single human being on this earth knows. i made sure to show the picture i want to people, maybe someday the picture i show will become truly me. this fake smile stuck on my mouth, repeating the words 'I'm fine, It's okay, Don't worry' again and again and again...but well...i'm not. i keep blaming my anxiety,and yet sometimes when i'm alone, i know that i'm the only one to blame. i prefer being alone, it is the only moment where i know i fit in.   i run away from being unhappy but it keeps finding its way back to me.  What if i die?  will you remember the words you slaughtered me with?  will you remember the fake rumors?  will you rem...

        When you meet a person for the very first time, you start fantasizing about how your life will change with them in it. You start creating images. Images you somehow had for a long time, but you never actually fixed them a face till that one person. You get your hopes high. So high that reality starts looking very small to you. You get to know that person. And suddenly you feel disappointed by him, you feel betrayed and lied on. You will erase the images, and you will hate them.  You will hate romantic dinners and matching rings,  you will hate those long rides and phone calls.  and the most important thing, you will hate him. But why? Please wake up. Please open your eyes on things. Please realize that the disappointment you get is not because of him. But it’s because of you. He didn’t do anything wrong, you just wanted him to be what he’s not. Don’t rush on things. There are a lot of beautiful imag...